Newfoundland

Yo Ho from the Atlantic! Where there is little snow and just below zero weather. Tonight is my last night here on the great rock, and it will be nice to be home in three days. Tomorrow night we will be heading off onto the great 'Caribou' that will take us from Port aux Basque, Newfoundland to North Sydney, Nova Scotia. The three day journey should be quite fun with 4 adults plus luggage stuffed into a small 2003 Mazda Protege.


My trip down to Newfoundland for Christmas was a lot better than I expected. Of course it definitely had its ups and downs from my cell phone dying on my third day here, to having to spend several long evenings with my aunt, who by the way scares the crap out of me. Internet is hard to find in the small town that my mother grew up in. To get Internet you have to freezing in my grand parents garage or drive an hour to a friends house....where I am now. This town is the hick of all hick towns. Where you would expect those older women sitting around a table drinking tea, knitting and talking about the towns gossip, "tisk tisk, did you hear about that Quinlan girl....." Of course the small town of Bichy Bay is pretty much Quinlans and Popes.


Here is a list of 5 things to expect in Newfoundland

1. Moose. These little cute furry things are not so cute when they are 10 feet tall and chasing you down the road. Never actually got chased but my friend did, haha quite a story.

2. No Civilization. You will not find anything here unless you are in St. Johns. The cool thing to do here is to play UNO and watch One Tree Hill.

3. Relation. Some way or another everyone down here is related to each other. Just sit down and mention your parents or siblings and some how they will know you and/or are related to you.

4.Unexpected weather. One day it will be sunny weather and a high of 5 degrees and the next day it will be a blizzard and all flights are cancelled.

5. Newfinese. "By's o by's did ya see dat nipper! Next ting ya know I looked aroun and dere 'e was. Gone!

Random Sortings

So on Monday the countdown started for our trip to Newfoundland. As you all know I am not particularily thrilled about this trip, but what can I say? My parents know full well my point of view of the whole situation but really don't care, so I just keep bringing it up every now and then just to annoy them.

This week my grandmother came up from Newfoundland. She kind of reminds me of an Oompa Loompa, and I know this sounds horrible, but seriously its quite nice for me considering the Oompa Loompa's are the only thing I liked in the classic movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It always seems like I am complaining about my family, and don't get me wrong I love them dearly, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to see them. However when my grandmother comes up to visit she wakes up at 7:30am and expects everyone else to be up as well. Why? Just so she can tell us what to do! Now she isn't as bad as she use to be but its still annoys the heck out of me. Excuse me? This is my house and your telling me what I should be doing?

To top it all I got into a huge argument with my parents this week. Coming home from work, my mom blows up at me for her days problems. All this made me do, was turn around and head right back to work. "Oh whats this? there is happy co-workers at work, that will actually talk to me without yelling? Great!!" But apparently that wasn't enough. Later that night my parents are heading off to go pick up my grandparents and some how my mother finds another reason to blow up at me, now this time my dad was home. Let me just stop and tell you something about my dad. He is very protective of my mother, so even if he had nothing to do with the fight he is now involved. So here is how this arguement went down. "I don't want you taking my car to Milton" [parents] "Your too involved with your friends!" Whoooooh okay so how did we just jump from how I don't want you taking my car to the fact that I actually like my friends? Okay, sorry is it my fault that you have shitty friends and I have terrfic ones? Oh no I got a text message during dinner! Who cares your not paying attention anyways sitting there watching tv.

All put aside I love my life at this moment in time. My brother just flew in today for the weekend, Christmas is just around the cornor and everything just seems to be coming together all way around. I love my job, have great friends, amazing new friends, my family rocks! and I have finally found an author that catches my attention full on. I mean yeah sure of course there is several things that would make me happier like a porshe 911 or being able to know what my life is going to be like in the future.

The future is a scary thing. Will I have the job I want? Will I find someone I can spend the rest of my life with and will love me for me? Will I still have my friends from work when I finish there? or will it be like highschool? I feel like I am growing apart from several people and I seem to be trying to latch on to others. Seriously what is wrong with me? I have never been strong in my religion but I just seem to be fading away completely. Now its starting to just look like my own personal rules, instead of what I believe. But all this is for another post.

Sorry for the ramblings. Felt like posting on my blog and this is what came out.

Nervousness A Waste Of Time

Today was quite....entertaining. I woke up this morning with work calling me, which at the time was quite annoying and yet relieving considering the dream/nightmare I was having.

Today was a long anticipated day, not only for seeing the hit teenage girl movie 'New Moon' but also for hanging out with one of my co-workers. So when in my dream I went to go see the movie with her and her friend she ended up getting sick and we had to leave the movie early, I was quite disappointed when worked woke me up. The first thought I had jumping out of bed was "Crap [blank] is sick" Of course I didn't think very clearly just waking up. Why would work call me just to tell me she was sick? So I quickly assumed that they wanted me to pick up more hours to take over her shift.

All week I have been...antsy for today, mixed of excitement and a little of weariness. So today when I got up I was freak! I didn't know what to expect. Would I know what to say, or would I just be my old idiot self trying to figure out something to say? Of course my friends were trying to comfort me by telling me that they liked me for the idiot I was so it will be fine. Of course knowing me I was still all nervous walking into the theater, but as soon as I met up with my friend everything was fine. No problem. All my worries seemed stupid.

It never really made sense to me why I feel nervous around some people. I mean there are several people at work that I almost say whatever I want and still don't feel like an idiot. Towards my friends I have had for years its a regular occurrence and I learned today is apparently why they keep me around, that and my very distinctive and hilarious laugh. I guess my mind just jumps a head of me sometimes and starts to freak me out over nothing....which btw is really exhausting always worrying about what people think of you. Something I am learning very slowly, but still is improving, is who cares what people think? If they don't like you for who you are then that's their problem, don't change yourself for someone else. Especially when most of the time they just want to hang out with you, not your made up "better" character.

So overall tonight was awesome. I had a great time, and it was nice hanging out with someone I work with and have always wondered what it would be to hang out with them. Not so different but still different enough to view with my new sense of confidence gained over the past few months. I have to admit I like it, its giving me a lot more opportunities that I would have been to freaked to take before. Who knows where my personality will take me next? Perhaps to meet friends just as cool and terrific that I have or to a very creative job that I will love, and no I am not talking about retail....

Painful Experiences & Stunts

So I guess it has been long enough since my last post to make a new one. Plus I am in a pretty upbeat, fantastic mood so bring it!

This post as promised will be of the several different types of pain I want to experience while I am still....alive?.....young? Both definatly both.

1. Stabbed. I really want to know what it would feel like to get stabbed. Obviously I don't want to be stabbed near my arteries or anything that helps my body function, but I still want to experience that sensation.

2. Shot. Not only does it make an awsome story, "oh my best friend shot me" but it also would be pretty sweet. Does it leave you in a lot of pain? or is it like a numbing pain? Will I pass out? cause that might be cool.

3. Hit by a car. Now this is very important, I DON'T WANT TO BE RUN OVER! I just want to maybe get hit and then roll a little over the windshield. I don't want to be hit with a car that is going like 50km, just maybe like 20 or 30km, not enough to do real damage but just enough to give me a little bit of experience.

Now these next ones are not really pain that I want to feel but they are some pretty cool things I want to do.

1. Jump through a window. Now I realize that might be in the catagory of being in pain, but I am kind of hoping to be wearing something thick and a helmet when I do that.

2. Bungie Jump. That looks awsome, yes you could break your neck or die, but think of the fun!

3. Sky Diving! Definatly doing that when the ground defrosts, who doesn't love free falling hundreds of feet above the ground!

4. Stunt drive! that would just be awsome! Driving fast, going around sharp cornors at extreme speeds, YES!

5. Get caught on fire. I don't want my flesh to burn, I want one of those outfits that the stunt people use. Now that one is just to say that I was on fire! Cool story and shocks a crowd.

Well thats my many different painful experiences and my stunts that I want to pull off!

10 Reason why NOT to do a Cart shift

So today I had an 8 hour shift of doing carts at the retail store I work at, so here are 10 reasons not to be stupid like myself and pick up the cart shift on your day off.

1. You'll freeze! Most important reason, that's why it is number one. If you live in Canada like myself you know exactly what I am talking about. -4? oh ya you forgot to include the wind chill which brings it to -20.

2. Your limbs hurt. Seriously its like being hit with a truck.....although I haven't been hit by a truck but I have to say I probably would have preferred that. To tell you the truth though, I don't really feel it now, but I am anticipating the morning.

3. Its boring. I was bored out of my mind until around 5pm when one of my co-workers started talking to me, which I have to admit was kinda interesting.

4. People. Enough said. Okay I can't be that blunt, I mean the people that just get on your nerves. What comes out of my mouth is not what I am thinking. Let me literate for you, [high pitched annoying voice] "OH!!! Can I have a cart! (As she smiles and weirdly moves her head and grabs a cart. [My usually up beat tone] "Umm, its tied up right now, just give me a second. *while I tell you off for getting in my way and making my job harder.*

5. Snow. That is the white stuff that floats magically down from the sky and usually comes with cold weather. Here in Canada we get a whole lot of it during the winter season....and sometimes in April. Anyways its crazy trying to push carts in that, its like hitting a wall while the wheels are turning in the same place.

6. Carry Outs. Now some people know what I am talking about, but for you that don't a carry out is when a customer needs help lifting things into their car. Now thats fine, if your a man or a really butch women. I am neither. So lifting a 50" wide screen tv into someones car and then out again 5x is really not the best time of my life.

7. Carts. If it weren't for carts you wouldn't be out there in the first place. However because they are there, there just seems to be too many of them. You clean out somewhere around 8 carts, turn around and its full again! MAGIC! Wrong. BLACK MAGIC!

8. People with Carts. Now I know I mentioned Carts and People before, but this is different, the two combined is a lethal combination of idiocy. Seriously your two steps away from a nice warm door where you can place the cart yourself, do me a favor and TAKE THOSE TWO STEPS, its saves me like 30.

9. Cars. Now some people in their cars are actually quite nice, but others prefer to see people doing cart duty in the snow freeze some more while they chuckle to themselves in their nice warm toasty car. Either drive around me, stop or go. Don't just stop and then when I start to go speed off in front of me.

10. Lack of Teleportation. Just because I have a thing going with the nerdy 10 rules I have to add this in. You can't teleport if your frozen. Nor can you walk into the warm building when the person who gave you the buggy shift is holding the "things to do" board.

Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I had writing it. Check back next time when I talk about the several different kinds of pain I want to experience.

My Music Choice for the Month

So I kind of got this idea from one of my co-workers blog. But I seriously have nothing interesting to talk about. So lets see if this can hold you over. Oh Also I realize most people have a different taste in music and that this most likely isn't yours.

Here is some music that helps me write and relax.

I am excited for Lifehouse new CD Smoke and Mirrors. Yet slightly disappointed that they lied to me about the release date. This song has a great beat to it.

Lifehouse - Halfway Gone


This song is a little older but amazing. I find that it works for whatever mood your in. Plus its got a great message.

Papa Roach - Scars


Gotta love Gavin DeGraw, the piano adds to my apprication.

Gavin DeGraw- Stay


This song is upbeat and it always makes us feel better thinking that 'Everybody loves me.'

One Republic - Everybody Loves Me


Love this song. Happy, nice beat. Everythings great. Its a Good Life

One Republic - Good Life


I know I know, its Nick Lachey. But its kinda got this interesting take on things. I used it for my English ISU last year for Phantom of the Opera. Okay you can laugh

Nick Lachey - All In My Head


Great song about the rain! no its got a great meaning on how no matter what you can't stop whats coming at you, but you can make it better.

Jamer Morrison - Don't Stop the Rain


Hope you at least enjoyed some of my music taste

Dreams

I like what Edgar Allan Poe has to say when he talks about dreams, 'All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.'

Several times I will be at work, hanging out with friends or just sitting at home and I will stop to reflect my life. At those moments my life feels very much like a dream. I am normally a very quiet and shy person, but for some reason I have really opened up at work, from talking to people that I laughed with when I was a seasonal, to actually getting the nerve up to talk to some people at work that seemed nice enough but never had the guts to talk to before. So at times when I have time to stop at work and think about how well things are going for me it all seems so unreal. Apparently I don't think that one person can have a terrific family with three amazing older brothers, regular friends and amazing friends from work all in one lifetime. In moments like these I consider that maybe my life isn't that great, who know what my regular friends and work friends tell people when they just happen to mention this random girl from work. Its very hazy like a dream I don't want to wake up from.

I seriously feel like I live at work, so in my opinion it is a great thing to have friends there. Although it still surprises me that when I go to bed at night I have dreams about work. Its not so much the building though that I dream about, that is normally a haze, if not really there. Most of the time it involves some people from work, mixed in with maybe a regular friend doing an activity such as mini golfing, laser tag or as simple as seeing a movie. The worst part is that the dream was so awesome that when I get up I have this crazy idea to ask people if they want to hang out, but then when I get to work I feel like a little kid again asking the bigger kids to hang out. Really there is not that much of an age difference. These dreams though are bothering me. Is it my subconscious giving me what I want before I knew I wanted it? Or is it telling me to gutsy up and ask people instead of playing this little Mary-go-round? Should I just stick with my dreams and not venture out of my comfort zone? Being shut down isn't really all that fun, and I mean there is only twice I can get shut down from the same person before I start to do a double take.

Many things in life seem like a dream within a dream until one thing turns everything into a real life nightmare never to escape through as easy as waking up.

Gravol. Good or bad?

I am sitting here drinking coffee in order to keep awake long enough to write this blog entry.

Today started off pretty good given that I only got 4 hours of sleep last night. I wasn't put on cash at work, I was full of energy after having two days off, everything was going great. However then two hours into my shift I started to feel a little.....off. My biggest mistake was telling my co-worker, she got worried and told a first aid trained employee. I am not one for much attention, I like to keep under the radar, even if I was dying I wouldn't let anyone around me know. Why do I need sympathy? So when the first aid employee came to check on me the first thing she said was "Oh you look pale." Of course knowing me my response included a joke, I replied with a quick "Ya I'm albino, I need to go get a tan." However that wasn't good enough for anyone, they wanted to make sure I wasn't going to pass out on the floor. Of course just to make them feel better I took it easy, but there was no way I was heading home. I was not going to show weakness!

Here comes my biggest mistake. My subconscious recalled a conversation with one of my co-workers about Gravol. Now knowing that for two nights in a row when I took the unknown named Gravol to help me sleep it did diddly squat, so what was the harm in buying some at work and popping two while on my break. About an hour later I found out.

One moment I am feeling great, lots of energy, no longer feeling like crap. With the spin of a head I started to feel the energy leaving my body, slowly through my arms and then my legs, I felt paralyzed. 'Great! Now the Gravol decides to put me asleep." Dragging my feet, trying to keep my brick eye lids open I started my way over to pack with one of my great employees. Trying to explain to her what was happening, a little light bulb went off in my head. 'Hey!! Adrenaline! That should counter act the drugs!' So running between two cashiers I started jumping up and down, singing, unpacking and packing with extra speed. Never allowing my feet to stop for more than a few seconds. Now I don't drink, but I have been told on several occasions that if you give me medication and adrenaline I act, high or drunk. Four of my employees got a good kick of watching my eyes go bloodshot, hands shaking uncontrollably. I have to admit I was having a blast, laughing hysterically at things that just weren't that funny, slipping on the floor with my running shoes as I ran.

Of course when I stopped for fifteen minutes while on my break, I could feel the paralysis cover me like a blanket once again, my mind wasn't putting words together to make sentences. I could feel the high wearing off, and to tell you the truth I didn't like it so much. Until after I realized I am back to myself, not the dead empty useless robot, or the extremely high employee that could have been dangerous at one point, but back to my usual insanity. Finally I was able to talk to employees and members without sounding completely insane and illiterate.

Never will I forget my wonderful day of being high for 4 hours. Oh glorious gravol I will miss you.

But hey I learned something today. Three of my employees would love the opportunity to slap me if they got the chance.

Death... whats the reaction?

So I normally try to keep a pretty upbeat message going onto my blog but I am just going off a little on this one.

For the longest time I always thought that I was the coldest person when it came to death. I would cry during a movie if it was happy or if one of the characters died, but when my grandmother died I never shed a tear. I didn't think much of it at the time, but then my mom would come and tell me as I got older that someone else had died and the only reaction that I would show is laughter. I know it sounds horrible and I felt bad as well.

So for the longest time I was always wondering, if one of my friends or family members would pass away, would I cry? I started thinking all this again recently because I now look at some people at work as close friends that I can talk to about things that are on my mind. What would my reaction be if one day they didn't show up to work and I was told they wouldn't show up ever again? I mean I felt worry when one of my co-workers called in sick three days in a row. "Are they okay? I wish I could do something." But when the final stroke on their life occurred, would I feel anything?

About two months ago one of my best friends and closest family members passed away. My dog, Shiloh a small, white, curly haired dog in which I watched grow up alongside of me. We noticed he wasn't doing well about mid June of this year, but at first we didn't think much of it. He got better, doing his usual things, and then one night he would get sick again and each time it would get worse. Then one weekend after doing so well for almost two weeks, my brother came home before he had to leave for another rotation, and once he left it seemed like Shiloh gave up. Like he just wanted to see Stephen one more time before he let go. I felt guilty for leaving him home alone sick on Sunday night, he wouldn't eat or drink and he could barely walk, but my mom reassured me that he would be fine. I should have stayed home. When I returned he looked frightened to be alone, I walked over and scooped him up in my arms and held him tightly to my chest. That night I put him on my parents bed and said goodnight, kissed him on the head and headed off.

The next morning my mom woke me up, and told me that he had passed away. I didn't cry, I just walked out to my parents room and touched his head. I knew he was gone, there was no presence left there for me to feel. I just watched my dad put his body into a blanketed box and put him in the garage until he got home. I crawled back into bed and fell asleep. Later when I woke up I was angry with myself "Why wasn't I crying? I cry during movies but I can't cry when someone I loved just passed away?" However that night when we were taking his body to the vet, I wanted to hold the box, but one thing I was not anticipating was the emotion I would get from feeling the weight of his small little body on my lap. All the way to the vet I was sobbing like a baby. I whispered one last goodbye before I took his body into the vet and that was it. That's when I knew, that I will cry....eventually.

Although at times I still feel like I have something wrong with me, aren't people suppose to grieve for quite sometime? One day is hardly what I call grieving over a loved one.

Family Gatherings

If your like me, then you hate family gatherings. For two reasons.

1. there are too freakin many of them, seriously someone should have stop breading after like 4 children. Why such a perfect number? well cause I was number four and look how great I turned out. I know what your thinking, that's a reason to stop at three right there. Good point. I'm not that full of myself.

2. Why should we have to sit throughout hours of agonizing small talk with cousins, aunts and uncles. I mean seriously wasn't thanksgiving painful enough? 'You don't really care what I plan to do with me life, so don't ask. I don't want to talk to you.' You might say that this comment is a little harsh, but seriously do you want to sit there and talk to your aunts and uncles with that fake smile and constant eye twitching in the opposite direction while your talking?

So my friend gave me the idea to come up with a 'ten simple' rules theme for everything I come across. So here is my version of the ten simple rules to get OUT of a family gathering.

1. Work. Now I know everyone hates work, but seriously whats worse, going to a painful 8 hours of a family gathering then coming home and feeling like crap, or an 8 hour shift at work where you get to come home and relax?

2. Get sick. This is pretty easy if its close to Christmas. Easy, go steal a kid and get them to sneeze like crazy. I know disgusting, but believe me if your family is like mine, its worth it. Either that or tell everyone you have H1N1, they won't want you there.

3. Beg. If non of these two work, get on your hands and knees and beg. Hopefully your parents love you enough to give you a break. If not then seriously you really need to consider putting yourself up for adoption.

4. Run. As a kid we always ran away when nothing went our way, why not this time? I mean most of us at this point have our own vehicle and/or money. Find SOME way to get your ass out of the house and away from your parents.

5. Steal, now this here is probably not a good idea. Depending on your family you may want to skip this part. However for myself spending a night in prison is a hell of a lot better.

6. Insult your extended family, not only will it get you out of the up coming family gathering, but also every one after that. Its brilliant actually. It worked for my sister-in-law.

7. Fall down a flight of stairs. Hopefully this will break an arm or a leg. "Oh look! I got to go to the hospital" Great idea I know.

8. Make plans. This one is pretty lame, but personally I am running out of ideas to help you. If your parents are anything like mine, they will tell you to cancel. So make sure this person is as important to you as the Pope is to the Catholics.

9. Throw all your clothes in the dirt, of course make sure your wearing SOMETHING. I know running around naked may feel nice to you, but I am being generous when I say, no one else wants to see that. Just make sure what your wearing is completely unacceptable like my shirt that says "I see Dumb People" your parents aren't going to send you to a family gathering to insult everyone.

10. Try using persuasion on your parents, to convince them that the party was last week and they missed it. I mean it worked in Star Wars, why not live up to our Jedi potential now? Its not going to work but hey, they may just think your crazy enough to embarrass them.

You may like family gatherings and in that case...do you want to switch? Or if I like you enough I guess I can get them to adopt you back.

Another unasked for look into my mind...

Things To Do When Your Day is Turning Out To Be......Crap?

Yesterday was probably one of the better days I have had at work, of course getting elbowed in the head by one of my co-workers definatly makes the day better. Not to say that I am by any means masochist, but it makes a great story! Such as "Oh ya, I ran into a brick wall once" see not only now does that make you question if my sanity was lost in that moment, but it also makes a great conversation piece. Such as yesturday getting hit opened up a whole new environment for me, not only were my 3 other co-workers and myself laughing hysterically for 3 hours about it, but some others also got quite a lot of enjoyment from hearing about it. You never know how someone truely feels about you until they laugh hysterically and then try to cause you more pain, but hey as long as they get a laugh out of it why not?

However today was different, I don't know if it was because I actually got sleep last night due to Patti's hit or because of my 3 sleepless nights, but I was knocked unconsious. So this morning everything seemed to go wrong, I woke up late, my mother shut off the washing machine and restarted it this morning leaving me to go to work with wet jeans, and then of course to top it all the debit machine didn't work at my till! It was fantastic, but of course what can you do? Thats the big question. I have come up with 10 simple rules for having a better day, all of which I have experienced just in the few 6 hour shift.

1. Smash a machine. Not only will it get your frustration out but it just might help fix the machine. (Just watch out for supervisors)

2. Smile, of course this is important while hitting the machines but it also makes the members day, which of course we know is more important than being happy ourselves.

3. Toss a kid. Of course I never actually did that, but I did grab a sleeping kids shoulders today, thinking that they were a dog bed.....like I said I wasn't all there. Parents got a good laugh out of it.

4. Hit your packers with the gun. This was actually quite fun......enough said. (SENSOR: of course I don't mean a real gun, cause thats not as funny)

5. Listen to angry music. This always helps lift my spirits knowing that at some point someone was having a worse day then myself in order to have written that song.

6. Swear. Now I don't do that often, but today was one of those days. Just get that extra steam off when something else goes wrong. Trust me it helps.

7. Recieve a compliment. Now this always is good, even on the best of days, but it definatly helps on the ones that suck. Now of course, if no ones gives one up then you......just have no friends. Your day just got worse.

8. Cardio. Now this is very important, if you are out of shape its time to hope back on that tredmill, cause you ain't getting a way from those Supervisor and their talk of cash unless you can move your ass. Of course shrinking a couple inches helps to, but if you can do that..... well I would just be impressed.

9. Making fun of others. Now one of my employees definatly knows what I am talking about. But making fun of someone else doesn't mean we don't..... how should I put this, like them. It just means that we have a different view of them then they do of themselves. But this always makes your day, why? Cause its just down right hilarious!

10. Think "What would Mario do?" Cause of course Mario knows what he is doing, everyone should follow Mario's example, if we did we could have 12 lives and out live all the cats. 1 UP!!

Just follow these 10 simple rules and your day will see its brightness with in no time. Then do what I do, come home and write about it.

Another day with my mind.....kinda scary isn't it?

3 Day Makeover

I like to view myself as a very organized kind of a girl. Though most times my room looks messy, it is actually still quite organized to my liking. However my mother seems to be a bit differently wired. She has a very imaginative mind for interior decorating and always tries to put that plan in motion.... but of course she can't do it by herself, a five foot women using a saw?? Especially a women like my mother, she or you would lose your limbs, I mean she ends up painting the celling when trying to paint the wall. Don't get me wrong I love her dearly, but she is just crazy!

She had most of this week off, and of course because she had it off my dad had to have it off. However what my dad and I thought was just a big pain in the ass of moving a giant desk down two stairs turned into something caotic in just 30 secs. Walking towards my room I hear a rippping sound, look into the room and there she is ripping off wallpaper...just 3 days before my Aunt and Uncle are suppose to be showing up to sleep in THAT room. Personaly I didn't think she was going to get it done. But low and behold with hours of paint and drape shopping, and A LOT of missed sleep the room is complete today. Which just proves to myself that considering all I needed for the past 6 years was my wall painted, it is easy to get it done in just day, considering they got a whole room done in three, but then again like I said my mom was wired differently and 'believes' that your room can't be completed until you move out and she makes your room in something she saw on the home and garden channel. A little sour you might say? Well ya, 6 years. Last time she painted my room it was a colour I didn't like, so now my room is a grand 3 different colours. but hey, at least she let me get ride of my Barbies, finally.

But I guess I can't complain I really didn't do anything to the bedroom renovation, it went against what I 'believe' the same reason why my dad refuses to pay $.5 for a plastic bag at the grocery store, you would never be forgiven if you came home with one of those distasteful things. Thanks to my awsome older brother, I sat in my room playing the original nintendo games like Super Mario 3 and Super Mario Brothes running back and jumping on the flag. Its amazing at how weird it feels, how much I understand the game and how the system works now that I am not 6.

Back to the point, my aunt and uncle showed up today, I was kind of hoping that I would be at work by then so as not to have to make small talk. Can you say Awkward' However they showed up at the door at 8:30 this morning. Now in my books thats really early to show up at someones house, I mean I can understand 10am. I guess I can let it go this time, considering I couldn't sleep anyways dreaming some wacked out dream of some people at work, and my closest school friends. They are very different and that was apparent in my dream, but seriously. I would trade in a good nights sleep than constantly dreaming about work.... let me re-phrase that, people at work. I don't dream of packing and constantly being under pressure on the till that would be a nightmare...

Christmas = season to be jolly?

During the Christmas season everyone comes out of the wood works which makes Christmas one of the most stressfull seasons ever. Not only do you have traffic everywhere, even in the parking lot but it almost becomes essential to have stop signs and street lights inside the stores. I am not one for big crowds to begin with, I can't deal with sqwaking children running around in front of you while your trying to walk, or being an inch away from some really sweaty guy. So working retail not only are you asking for everything just listed, but you also have twice the amount of people in a smaller space. Now is it just me or does everyone feel like running people over with a cart when they walk in your way, or just stand right in front of you and not move? Now from this blog entry its no wonder I come home and play one man shooter games on my xbox. The safest place for me and everyone I work with during the Christmas season is the front end, we like our lives, and not only do we get to joke around with each other,but also the customers....sometimes.

Now don't get me wrong some of the members are actually quite nice, like a bunch of older women later tonight laughing at my 'Nerd Herd' shirt. I was actually quite surprised at my reaction, not only did I comment back but I actually had them laughing. I FINALLY NOW THE TRICK!! Mention that I am a Nerd and let me hang out with some of the best people at work and you can get me to continue going. Mind you it also helps not being the new girl at work either, and I can throw some orders around to the new guys.

Now first impressions to me are essential, the first impression I get from someone triggers something in my brain 'fight or flight,' and there are some people that have made a very good first impression. Not to say that I don't like the people after I get to know them, like two out of four of my favourite people at work, actually scared me shitless the first time, but now if I had to choose who to hang out with I would choose them.

But back to Christmas, I have only got one Christmas present so far, thats bad for me considering I normally am done by now, but seriously who wants to go out? and not only am I confused because now I have this strong pull tugging my mind at doing someting for the people at work that I like, but also I still have to buy for my family. The biggest issue is that I don't know what to buy, in case I go to Newfoundland for Christmas I need to buy something small and that can fit into a suitcase, which makes it difficult for buying for my parents. Before when I mentioned getting something for the people at work, obviously I don't have the money to buy them something, but I can bake! the only problem is how do I give them something without 1. Looking like an idiot to them, and 2. not give something to the other 300 employees. I mean Cheesecake...needs to be refrigerated and is messy...

All the random workings of my mind

Driving

I can understand different styles of driving, but seriously. Yesturday I was driving along young street to return some movie rentals....of course they were late, its just the way this Belbin family works....anyways, so I was driving behind this guy who was going like 70km in an 80km zone and everytime I get stuck behind one of those idiots I consider what they are saying to themselves, "I am such a bad ass. I going over the speed limit!" When in reality they are going under, making everyone behind them pissed off. Of course this being the way my mind works, I don't get upset I just laugh hysterically picturing a forty or fifty year old with one hand on the steering wheel bobbing their head to Elvis Presley. How could you be angry at that? All this would make sense if they were driving 60km, considering in driving school they tell you "If in doubt go 60km" so either way in this persons head they were being all bad ass.

Just the workings of my mind

My Retributions

Okay so this is a short story I wrote for my grade 11 english class, but its what really opened my eyes to writing. Enjoy and please feel free to leave feedback. Nothing from this story is real. Kind of a combination of a conversation with my older brother talking about how scary it is to bring a child into the world now the way it is and they way its moving, as well as stories I read by Edgar Allen Poe.

https://share.acrobat.com/adc/document.do?docid=0538518a-fc20-4c26-b207-976e79b05938

Self Preserving

I was sitting there reading a post from one of my co-workers and decided that he had a good point about how we can be two completely different people. With how we appear to the outside world and how we feel and act towards family and close friends, http://fatherhoodothercommonterrors.blogspot.com. He made a good point and in order to comment on that idea....well here I am writing my first blog entry, haha.

So while reading his entry about who he really is, but how not only myself but other co-workers and customers view him, it reminded me alot of myself. I am a very self concious person, and I know it down to a T, but the question that is always on my mind is 'is it noticable?' Many times I say to myself, its completely obvious. I mean how could it not be, I fumble over words when people at work talk to me, haha or let me rephrase that, I fumble over words when people I like at work talk to me. Like I must sound like a complete idiot sometimes! but then again if you can't make yourself look like an idiot at work then what else is there to be seen as, the creepy shy person? I mean at least I am talking......right?

I am the kind of person who, yes enjoys the company of people, but to a certain extent. I mean I sit in my room most of the time hidding behind my computer in order to show people my true personality. This way it leaves me from embarrasing myself and showing it through my gradually glowing red face, but also prevents me from actually have to act on anything. I get to be myself, singing and sliding on my socks down my hallway, creating movies and screenplays in my head. Its the greatest thing. Then again I do get human contact, at work. I mean why not? Your there for max 8 hours a day for sometimes 7 days a week, not to mention if you have such great co-workers as I do in the front end, it can sometimes be quite fun.

My biggest issue now? and I guess will always be is getting to the next stage. Stage one is mostly complete, and that is getting comfortable enough around the people I work with to actually make complete sentences and joke around a little. The next stage is to actually create friends at work who you can ask one night "Hey I have no plans tonight, and today I actually feel like hanging out instead of going home putting on my 'NERD HERD' hat and sitting on my computer. Do you want to do something?" The biggest part is that since I don't drink and I kinda need someone who is around my age and isn't married that leaves like one or two people I actually can see myself hanging out with. Which then brings me back to my own problems, I am naturally shy. So I keep bringing up issues like, "what do I say?, If they say they are busy, are they really busy?, and how can they not see that my hands are shaking like I am in some dire need of medication.

But self preserving myself just seems easier....

Aust de lasagna don't get any on ya!