Self Preserving

I was sitting there reading a post from one of my co-workers and decided that he had a good point about how we can be two completely different people. With how we appear to the outside world and how we feel and act towards family and close friends, http://fatherhoodothercommonterrors.blogspot.com. He made a good point and in order to comment on that idea....well here I am writing my first blog entry, haha.

So while reading his entry about who he really is, but how not only myself but other co-workers and customers view him, it reminded me alot of myself. I am a very self concious person, and I know it down to a T, but the question that is always on my mind is 'is it noticable?' Many times I say to myself, its completely obvious. I mean how could it not be, I fumble over words when people at work talk to me, haha or let me rephrase that, I fumble over words when people I like at work talk to me. Like I must sound like a complete idiot sometimes! but then again if you can't make yourself look like an idiot at work then what else is there to be seen as, the creepy shy person? I mean at least I am talking......right?

I am the kind of person who, yes enjoys the company of people, but to a certain extent. I mean I sit in my room most of the time hidding behind my computer in order to show people my true personality. This way it leaves me from embarrasing myself and showing it through my gradually glowing red face, but also prevents me from actually have to act on anything. I get to be myself, singing and sliding on my socks down my hallway, creating movies and screenplays in my head. Its the greatest thing. Then again I do get human contact, at work. I mean why not? Your there for max 8 hours a day for sometimes 7 days a week, not to mention if you have such great co-workers as I do in the front end, it can sometimes be quite fun.

My biggest issue now? and I guess will always be is getting to the next stage. Stage one is mostly complete, and that is getting comfortable enough around the people I work with to actually make complete sentences and joke around a little. The next stage is to actually create friends at work who you can ask one night "Hey I have no plans tonight, and today I actually feel like hanging out instead of going home putting on my 'NERD HERD' hat and sitting on my computer. Do you want to do something?" The biggest part is that since I don't drink and I kinda need someone who is around my age and isn't married that leaves like one or two people I actually can see myself hanging out with. Which then brings me back to my own problems, I am naturally shy. So I keep bringing up issues like, "what do I say?, If they say they are busy, are they really busy?, and how can they not see that my hands are shaking like I am in some dire need of medication.

But self preserving myself just seems easier....

Aust de lasagna don't get any on ya!