This past two weeks I have come across several lines cris-crossing around me. I have two choices. I can either untangle myself by meeting it head on, or I can become tripped up in these webs that I have created. From school, relationship, family and health issues I feel pressed up against a wall forced to make decisions I don't feel comfortable with. Several people see me as being cool and collective. And the truth is that its the only way I can push things off to a later time to worry about.
I have been left with two choices of schools. One is so close to home and I can see my family and friends. It would be so easy for me to just jump right in knowing what is going to happen, or that I can count on someone close to lean on in those times where you fall apart. The other school is so far away, but I can make a fresh start. Leave my past behind with all my life's mistakes and insecurities and become the person I want to be. Not worry about who or what I left behind. I mean obviously I am always going to think about friends and family I left behind, but I think then I can truly find myself without this mess of confusion of who people think or want me to be. Then again I have always considered becoming a professional sky diver!
In these past couple months I have come across some great people whom I think have helped me in my process to succeed in life. Each person in my life has added something to my personality. I feel like I am pieces of personalities from the people I have come across in life. From my family, to each of my friends I have evolved slowly to a complete person with walking and talking abilities. Some people can look at me like a Lego man, whatever they need me to be I can become. I will always have my base to keep me different, and ME. Some decisions however are harder than others, they take consideration and a thought process; and sometimes its easier to just run away and never look back. Or meet up with Michael J. Fox and travel Back the the Future!
As for health issues. Many have no idea what is going on, and most of the time I prefer it that way. I am not one for sympathy. I don't like crying in front of people, nor showing any weakness. I guess growing up with three older brothers has eventually taught me to be like them. But in a months time I will be forced to make a decision I don't want to make. Its is just as easy for me to make jokes and laugh at the situation than to actually decide and face the fact that's its freaking me out inside. But then again maybe they can put humpty dumpty back together again. That and the fact that I believe in things that most people don't. Like a God for instance.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
All I can do is believe. Hope you enjoyed pieces of my mind fragments