Wednesday, April 7, 2010

E is for Engage

OK so 'E' was a very hard topic for me to talk about. So instead of coming up with something catchy or slightly interesting, I am going to talk about myself.

As a child I was a very "awkward turtle." Not in the way of actions, but as in the way of speaking. I was very shy, not talking to anyone, writing notes to my family, handing it to them and running away or quietly slipping it through the door and hoping that they find it. I would always walk with my head down and actually almost cry when people I wasn't comfortable around would start engaging in a conversation with me. I said "Almost cry" I never actually did cry, but it felt like my body was slowly shutting down as my face went red and my palms sweaty.

Over the past couple years I have gotten over most of my problems. I no longer get sweaty palms and my face doesn't go......THAT red. I walk with my head up, which apparently makes me look like I have confidence. Which I lack very much, but hey as long as that's what people think I am not going to correct them otherwise. However one thing that I still have a hard time tackling is my ability to engage people in a conversation. I am very bad with talking. I never know what to say, what jokes are appropriate or will make them laugh. I don't want to say something that might offend someone or make them uncomfortable. Its very hard not knowing what the other person is thinking! So instead I normally stay away from conversations unless I know I have chosen the right topic choice. Which by the way, if I am quiet is exactly what I am doing. Although all my weird quirks are gone I still have one big issue. My hands shake uncontrollably to the point where sometimes its hard to drink without spilling it all over myself. I try to hide it but its extremely hard, but hey its easier to hide than a red face!

Well that's as much engaging as I can do tonight. Like I said talking really isn't my strong point unless you want to hear some rambling.


  1. Sometimes rambling is fine. I do it all the time. The way you are seeing yourself may be exagerrated through your own eyes. I saw myself in a similar way, especially in high school and I was so envious of the kids I thought were so cool. Now over 40 years later when I've talked to some of my old classmates they tell me how they always thought I was so cool and the ones who I thought had it together were actually full of self-doubt.
    We are usually our own harshest judge. Just try to focus on where you want to be, recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and concentrate on the areas in which you need improvement one step at a time. Things change and the way things seem now are probably better than you think.
    Great job with your blog.
    Blogging From A to Z April Challenge

  2. I can relate to the problem of engaging people in conversation. I'm much better at listening.

    I like the idea of blogging a-z! I may have to give it a try

  3. Can't count the times I've said the wrong thing! It's gotten better, but still happens.I think it's a pretty universal problem.

  4. Its awesome everyone can relate! I am happy I am not the only one that has this problem.

    Jacqueline you should definatly try the challenge its fun but also gets you mind going.

  5. Good for you for getting this out. That's a great step forward for you!

    I too was extremely shy and even as a young adult, when I was having my hair done with a group of ladies and they all said how much they liked it, I ran out of the room crying. I didn't like being the center of attention.

    My how things have changed and they will for you too! The best way to engage someone in conversation is to ask about THEM. Their interests, jobs, families, etc. That will open it right up for you.


  6. I like that you released this; I always had a red face, I kind of grew out of it. It is happening to my daughter.

    I agree to engage others, ask questions about them, what do you like, do, what are your hobbies, fav movie, etc. I agree this A-Z really gets up to open up and reveal things and ideas, we may never have blogged about!
    (I ramble I think it is releases us, our thought) Lately, I started doing morning kind of gets all the ramblings out.
    I need to do this, I want to do that, sifts through the daily babble, we all play in our heads! Things will change, as you gradually open yourself up, to new people and experiences..hang in there; you are not alone!