Saturday, April 17, 2010

O is for OFF

These past couple of months, especially weeks something has been really off. For some reason I seem to be a little more angry and depressed than usual. Even my co-workers have noticed and now they no longer come up to talk to me.

Back around Christmas I was in the greatest mood, I was jolly and happy, despite the amount of people coming in. I would easily be able to make people around me laugh until they cried. However these past couple months I have failed at that miserably. I try, but it always seems that I completely fail. I have lost my 'mojo' as some might call it. I get angry and frustrated not only with things at work but also with myself. If I do or say something completely stupid then I get angry at myself. In those times I try to avoid people as much as possible in order to not take it out on them. It feels almost like they are avoiding me now altogether. Which makes me think that I did something wrong. Which of course I probably did, but since I can't make people laugh anymore, I almost feel useless. It was the only thing I had in order to make friends and keep them. In my opinion it was the only reason I have friends. They want to laugh and I use to be able to give them that.

Now I just feel like the young 18 year old, that is too immature and juvenile to hang out with the older crowd and it sucks. So then that's when the 'depression' kicks in. Depression seems too strong of a word for what I am feeling, a more proper word is probably low. I feel low, and then I get angry at myself for not doing something about it, but once I realize that I have no idea what the heck to say anymore, I just go back full circle. This vicious circle is frustrating me. What do I need to get back to the way I was? Do I need a vacation? Do I need to spend time alone? Do I need to spend time with family, or my high school friends instead of always being at work?

Its frustrating that I don't have the answers, and I apologize for writing this for my 'O' post but I just needed it to get written down and out there for suggestions.


  1. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Most of us, even as adults go through low points and it's tough to figure out how to get through it sometimes. But you will. Maybe some time away from work, having fun is just what you need to make you feel better. You'll have the rest of your life to work as you get older! :)


  2. Well, "O" could stand for "Off" so it's valid. Maybe it's idle hands? You haven't been working as much right? Leaves you plenty and plenty of time to your thoughts. Start up a big project, Keep yourself occupied! Everyone has ups and downs though, don't sweat it.

  3. I find that when I feeling a little "off" or uptight, it's often time for me to break away from the routine of life. Vacations is good if it's possible but if you like nature, take some time at a park or lake and just allow yourself to be free. Hope you're back on track soon.

  4. When we're younger I think many of us are prone to times of doubt and depression because it is a transitional time in our lives, so I don't think you're overly alone in this. The other commenters have left some good advice and it's probably good to talk about your feelings to people you really trust.

    Also, start running a self evaluation, Make lists about who you are, what you can do, what you want to do-- spend some serious time with yourself as you learn to like and appreciate you. Try your best not to get down. Vent by using creative outlets like poetry, songwriting, photography-- things that express you. but you should also focus energy outward and care for others and help others. Create balance in your life.
    Until I was about 30 there were a lot of times when I felt like an idiot-- I was depressed and scared to live life. Now I still feel like an idiot sometimes, but I know more about who I am and I make an efforet to make my life a positive experience.
    You'll be okay. Life is what you make it.

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  5. We all go through this a some point, but the answer is talk to a friend, have you anything worrying you? there could be many reason why you feel this way, talking is an excellent way of sharing a problem, it's when you haven't anyone you can turn to that the situation just escalates.Fon't let it go that far.
    Good luck.

  6. Who's dodging you at work? I'll kick 'em in the neck! I get self-conscience when people aren't social with me too, but they're having "Blah" times too, nothing personal. And AB's onto something about your age -- hogely transitional!

  7. Get your mind busy. Maybe working on something that excites you mentally will help. I hope you feel better soon!

  8. Most of us, have ups n' downs! I found fitness helps...move, walk, it boosts your serotonin
    levels which help with your mood. I also think
    writing, painting, working with your hands, music, whatever hobby you enjoy. You need to get involved. Sometime volunteering is a great
    way to lift the low. Help others, you aren't alone! If you continue to feel low and scattered, I suggest getting your thyroid TSH
    level checked. (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone)
    The number 1 sign is depression; I have it and
    well, i never was really depressed, just off
    and low, tired, and weary.

    Take Care~ Hope you feel better soon!

  9. You have been given a lot of great advice here and I would agree with it all but just add that you should do something that you enjoy! If you aren't working as many hours, use that time to have fun with something. It could be by yourself, with someone else or a combination of both. Just enjoy something and remember to smile...even if you don't feel like it, sometimes a smile can be so inviting to people!

    I hope things are looking up soon!

  10. Very sorry you feel off. However, these feelings always come when we are focusing on ourselves in unhealthy ways. Force yourself to transfer your focus from you to others. There is no reason to remain off once you become aware of it. Make the decision to become on and look outward, even upward rather than inward. My prayers are with you.